


Remember The Moment

by PeriodicallyBleeding



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes, like this whole story is just one big mess, this is basically a giant fucking trigger, this is really really sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 06:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4253259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeriodicallyBleeding/pseuds/PeriodicallyBleeding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember The Moment

**Author's Note:**

> So I heard writing's a good way to let out some inner thoughts, what better way to do that than to incorporate my two favourite people into my suffering? Idk, It's 4am and I'm sad and I decided to write, I tried.

 

Josh remembers.

 

Josh remembers them as teens, Tyler all skinny-frame and awkward walk, Josh all dyed hair and piercings. He remembers drunkenly singing along with him while they gazed at the stars that were so pretty they looked almost animated. He remembers his air leaving his lungs as Tyler opened his mouth and sang, even if he was trying to sound bad, and was pretty drunk off cheap booze, he still sounded incredible. He remembers every situation, every episode of darkness, every time Tyler would curl into himself and cry as Josh stayed calm, soothed him, but inside he was _fucking screaming_ , panicking for his friends wellbeing. He remembers the first time he seen Tyler’s thighs, the first time he seen the light pink scars, the first time he broke and panicked, causing Tyler to panic, because _no. no. Josh was supposed to stay calm, he was supposed to be the sane one!_ But he couldn’t stay calm, he collapsed onto the floor and watched the tears fall between the wooden slabs, he listened to Tyler’s breathing pick up, a cacophony of sorrys falling out of his mouth as he shook Josh. _Please, josh imsorryimsorryimsorry._ He remembers himself looking up at Tyler with blurred vision, asking him not to do it anymore, to promise him _(I can't promise anything)._ He remembers Tyler shaking his head, breathing faltering as he told him he didn’t do it anymore, that they were _only scars. only scars, Josh._ He remembers himself lying in bed that night, crying his eyes out because he was breaking, he was bursting at the seams, he used to be the stitches that held Tyler together, but how could he be strong if they were both falling apart? He cried himself to sleep that night, woke up with a heavy set of lungs and an inability to speak because his voice was so _raw._

                             

                       He remembers a couple years on when Tyler was getting better, finally seeking help, finally turning his pain into something constructive like poetry or lyrics. _God. His lyrics._ Pieces of his mind that had been bled out between the lines of the crumpled up sheet, trapping his demons within the white, tear stained paper….where they could never escape. _..right?_ He remembers hearing Tyler sing one of his songs to him, he remembers feeling a shiver run up his spine and he remembers his mind being fucking blown away by the pure poetry that left Tyler’s mouth in the form of song. He remembers crying and hugging and _no. no. i’m okay i swear. it was just really good._ He remembers _i’m so proud of you. so so proud. please stay here. don’t go. no._ He remembers even more years later, when Josh and Tyler decided to buy an apartment together, they’d just started a band. _(hey we should start a band) (should we?) (yeah it’d be awesome, we can help people!)._ The words _“help people”_ sealed the deal for Tyler, because yes, he wanted to help others, he didn’t want anyone else to feel the way he did...or does. He remembers coming home from a late night drive to find the apartment had been covered in an eery silence, a silence that - _to the most poetic irony_ \- deafened him. He remembers hearing a creaking coming from Tyler’s bedroom, a sickening, cacophony whirlwind of _eeks_ and _oohs,_ as if whatever was creaking had come to life and decided to lure Josh in like some sort of fucking _siren_. He remembers his mind racing as he slowly walked over to Tyler’s bedroom door and knocked, praying to whatever deity existed that someone would answer because _please. god. no. please tell me whatever i'm hearing isn't what i think it is._ He remembers grabbing the door handle and twisting it, wincing at the screeching sound it made because it was what he heard inside his head, screeching. _screaming. like the devil himself had implanted the worst conclusions into his head all for him to be engulfed in._ He remembers opening the door and falling. falling to his fucking knees at the sight that _drowned_ his vision.

 

                      His assumptions about the creaking sound were correct. He remembers feeling his lungs collapse in on themselves, he remembers his throat physically seizing up because _no. tyler no. you were getting better. you promised. you were fucking getting better this wasn’t supposed to happen._ He remembers slowly standing up from his position on the cold floor, legs buckling slightly under the heavy weight of his conscience. He remembers walking as best as he could, untying the noose from around Tyler’s now pale neck as he laid his best friend down on the floor. He remembers his emotions coming on at once, much like a delayed reaction, like he didn’t fully believe what was happening until he couldn’t feel Tyler’s pulse underneath his calloused fingers. He remembers screaming, full on, agonising screaming. A cataclysm of _Tylers_ and _sorrys,_ falling on top of him like bricks obstructing his blood flow and giving him a headache. He remembers shaking him, shaking him as hard as he could like _maybe. just maybe it would jumpstart his heart. because that’s how anatomy works, right?_ He remembers seeing the note, he remembers sobbing as he picked it up, looking at it with such hatred in his heart, not for Tyler of course, but for the demons trapped between the lines, manifested in the form of ink from Tyler’s favourite pen. He remembers seeing the last few words at the bottom _(It wasn’t supposed to end like this, I love you. - Tyler)._

 

                       He remembers going through the five stages of grief all at once, he remembers feeling distraught then suddenly his grip on the page tightened, and anger flowed through his veins. because _fuck you. you said you were getting better. fuck you fuck this FUCK YOU. look im sorry im sorry i didnt mean that please come back. please. come back._ He remembers then came along the bargaining, he faced the sky, like whatever god existed would answer his prayers specifically. he remembers _please god. save him. bring him back. this world needs him. i need him._ He remembers the acceptance, the acceptance hitting him in the kindest way possible as Tyler was lowered into his coffin as silent tears were wept by all of the kids he couldn’t save, including himself. 

 

 

Josh remembers.

 

  
But that’s all he’ll ever do.


End file.
